For This Moment

Zen is a paradox so not many things make sense.  What comes up today? My whole life has been a preparation for this moment.  And now it's gone!  Always!  Is this just a state of mind?  It can be or… It is just a state of being.  Always has been. Always will be.. Always… Just now. What else can it be?  Yesterday was and therefore is not. Tomorrow simply is not. It is nothing. It is now. How can one think about nothing? Not possible. Nothing can be realized, not theorized.


If what I am writing here right now does not make sense, then it is wholesome - whole and complete. Because in Zen, truth always transcends sense, so one cannot really write about it as I do here so often!

Judging: Three Questions and more... How long? But there are a lot more...

Today in zazen, came lots of thoughts - also known in Zen as makyo.   But should I judge and condemn makyo? Should I condemn the thinking mind?  I think to much.. Ah! Another judgement!  A neat trap.. Or is that a judgement?

We take other people (and situations) into our awareness. This is so. Can't get away from that statement. We can know others from our own awareness.. That must be so, as we cannot know them from their awareness!

We see something that we cannot agree with. We condemn it. We are aware of that thing we cannot agree with, therefore it is bound to be within us!  Another neat trap.  We condemn our Self!   The more we judge as liking this, disliking that, attracted to this, repelled by that,  the more disintegrated we become. Whether it is good or whether it is bad, makes no difference.

Zazen then, is the task of reconnected with those disintegrated parts of our Self (or self, there are some who say that Self should not be capitalized - just more judgement, just more makyo to get stuck in - but I don't care what they say - I forgive them! Do I really? ).  We reconnect to our fragments by forgiveness of Self which is forgiveness of others.

I think of all the incidents in my life when I must have judged and condemned in my mind. There are loads!  I probably think too much, I say again!  We walk along the Zen path (or some other labelled path) and we come to a space, to a situation, to the memory of a person, to.... whatever....  We are not happy with it, and we want to forgive for our own sakes,  but we don't know how to do it. We cannot do it! Of course we can't do it.. Because it isn't doing.. It is being. Being forgiving. We can only be willing, and then go within and wait in patience for the experience of forgiveness to come to us. Or if you prefer, the experience of closure; or the experience of completion.  If not, another part of us, greater or smaller, will get stuck in this space on our journey.  And we may find ourselves running around and around in this space. It could be temporary, but it can last... How long?  I don't know.. Best not to add another judgement! How long is a piece of Zen string?

Mind and Awareness

As I entered zazen today, I became aware of the here-now and my mind racing around with thoughts of what should and what should not be. How zazen should feel and how it should not feel..

Again came the judgements.  And then every now and then, for a split second, I was observing that I had plunged into the mind. It was so very subtle and I noticed that there were moments when I had lost the awareness of the mind, and had become the mind.  When the mind believes its the being, or the being believes it's its mind - works both ways, but awareness is the key here!

But what of here and now.. Now as I am writing this?   Am I really getting mindful of what is going on?  Am I detached and observing the mind.  Yes and no.. There are no answers that can be answered until I stop using my mind! 

One cannot get enlightened from the mind, only from awareness, and that awareness is tricky as we have to make the distinction of what is awareness and what is mind.. 

Or there again, if all is One....  See what I mean!?

In and Out of Awareness

Is there really a Zen master outside our own awareness. No, there cannot be.. Not possible.  We create everybody else in the world in consciousness.   

If I am not liking this or getting disappointed, it is because I have expectations.. 

How could anybody exist outside my awareness?  This is nothing to do with ego, it is just so.. It is true of everybody whether or not they realize it. Is this is what it means by the truth that we all have a Buddha nature?   That is looking at it too reasonably. One cannot get Zen intellectually. 

Does a falling tree make a sound if there is nobody there to hear it? Does anything exist if there is nobody there to experience it?